Words are powerful; they can uplift or tear down. If only we were aware of the immense power words hold in our lives and the lives of others, we would be more careful with them. It’s no wonder that the Bible—a source of wisdom and guidance—often emphasizes this truth.
How do you deal with unkind words?
Have you ever wrestled with the temptation of responding unkindly to unkind words? It’s a struggle I’ve faced for as long as I can speak. Sometimes, I feel like the enemy handpicks his allies to test me in this department. Recently, however, I’ve started to internalize a crucial truth: the words that spill from others’ mouths reflect them, not me. Their unkindness should never dampen my kindness. And their bitterness? It’s not my burden to bear.
A couple of weeks ago, I learned about something that has been helping me to control my tongue whenever I meet an unkind word.
The ninety-second rule
According to psychology experts, an emotion lasts ninety seconds. After that, it’s up to me to keep bringing it back and living it over again. So, when I hear an unkind word, I consciously refrain from opening my tongue right away. I visualize the ninety seconds running, allowing myself to feel angry for the injustice or the rudeness, but without saying anything hurtful in return. I focus on the ninety seconds. This exercise has helped me because, after ninety seconds, I am less likely to say something mean in return. By the end of the ninety seconds, I chose to move on. This has let me process unkind words without internalizing them.
During Jesus’ last moments on this earth, He dealt with unkind words, too. As He was giving His life for the soldiers crucifying Him, they scoffed at Him and flooded Him with nasty comments about His Divine nature. However, His only reply was: “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34
When someone says something nasty or provocative to you, remember that they don’t know what they are doing. People who hurt, hurt. You can’t give what you don’t have.
Don’t let the worst of people bring out the worst in you.
You were made for more.
Remember that on the final day, we are all going to be held accountable not just for our actions but for our words too. Although returning a slap with a slap is tempting, doing that would make you no different than the slapper. Those unkind words? They didn’t only say them to you, but also to your Father. Whether we are being kind or unkind to others, it is as if we are doing it to Jesus. Matthew 25:40
He heard them, too. Leave it to Him. Don’t stoop down to darkness. Take a deep breath, remember the ninety-second rule, and don’t let evil win by finding a dwelling place inside your heart.
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones – Proverbs 16:24