Comforting, in general, has never been my strongest suit—not because I don’t care but because of my fear of saying or doing wrong. When I was a nursing student in college, our professors used to warn us against the dangers of compassion fatigue and its implications on the quality of care (something that healthcare providers are especially prone to). Later, I witnessed the impact of a comforting environment -or lack of one- in a medical setting. That’s when I was forced to re-evaluate my misconceptions about care and comfort, concluding that, just like love, genuine empathy can only come from above.
This month, we are reading the story of Job for the Bible reading plan. And boy, were his friends clueless! They would have been better off prolonging their silence, am I right?
While it’s easy to judge the harshness of their words and the carelessness of their actions, it’s also important to remember that they were humans just like us. And chances are, at some point, in one way or another, we have been as clueless as Job’s friends, too.
Today, I want to share with you four tips on how to be a comforting presence in times of need:
Control the urge to talk
Learning to be present without having to speak will always go a long way and spare you and everyone around you a lot of pain. Sometimes, a hug, a hand on the shoulder, or a warm meal will communicate louder and more effectively than any spoken word.
Avoid hasty judgements
Nothing is more annoying than having someone try to pass judgment, bestow wisdom, or give unsolicited advice when you are going through a difficult time. Job’s friends accused him of being responsible for his tragedies. Instead of providing comfort, they only brought him anguish. Remember, only God knows all the reasons. It is not our place to give answers, just compassion.
Speak words that build-up
Before speaking, ask yourself, “Are these words going to build up or tear down?” If you are unsure, you shouldn’t speak at all. Instead of encouragement, Job’s friends spoke words that tore him down. He even described them as “miserable comforters” – Job 16:2. Their well-meaning advice turned into accusations and debates, making Job feel even more isolated.
Remember, our words have power. They can either heal or harm. When comforting others, we should speak words that affirm God’s love, provide hope, and remind them of His faithfulness.
Praying over preaching
When comforting someone, it’s more powerful to pray with and for them, than to try to fix their pain with advice. Prayer invites God’s presence into the situation and provides the ultimate source of comfort.
A calling
Comforting someone in pain is both an art and a calling. From Job’s friends, we learn what to do—be present and empathize—and what to avoid—judgment and harmful words. Let’s strive to reflect God’s love for those who are hurting, offering genuine comfort that heals rather than wounds.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
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