You said yes. The memory of that moment plays in your head on repeat. You’re ready for the next stage in your life. You know that God is the author of your story, and you feel peace within. Saying you are excited would be an understatement. But now what?
The way engagements are portrayed in the Bible is somewhat different from our current context. However, honoring God is a principle that remains through time and across cultures. Are you getting ready to say I do? Here is some practical advice to navigate through this season:
Keep Jesus at the center of your relationship
If you haven’t developed the habit of seeking Christ every day together, now is the time to do so. Learn to say yes to Jesus every day. You cannot expect to be comfortable doing it once married if you haven’t built the habit together first. Set realistic spiritual goals as a couple. This is a lovely and memorable season. Invite Jesus to be the main character of your story. Trust me, it will make this time so much more special.
Seek guidance and information
Read books together about everything: communication, sex, finances. Make the process of learning together fun and engaging. Talk into detail about these topics and any others you both consider essential. Communicate your needs and preferences and develop well-defined and fair agreements. Seek marriage counseling with someone you both feel comfortable with.
Strengthen communication and conflict resolution
Practice open communication. Re-visit the non-negotiables. Talk about any old grudges; exercise tolerance and grace. Intentionally practice selflessness and forgiveness every day. Refine your listening skills. Work on the art of navigating through conflicts. Become experts in keeping each other’s temperaments in check.
Come to an agreement on roles and unity
Talk clearly about household roles and expectations. Start assuming those roles. Learn how to be a supportive spouse. Remember, you are preparing to become “one”. Start making decisions together. Understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses and work towards complementing each other.
Set Healthy boundaries
When it comes to physical boundaries, consider the length of the engagement you have agreed on and pace yourself. Since you are becoming a new family, you must also learn to place healthy boundaries with your family in every aspect. Your new family becomes the priority. Making this transition requires honesty and intentionality on both partners’ ends.
Establish a Budget together
This is a big one. Money is one of the top reasons couples argue about. Although my husband and I didn’t combine our finances until we married, we were honest about each other’s financial responsibilities, debts, and expectations. One of the things we did when we knew we were heading towards engagement was create and collaborate on a weekly budget for groceries. Making the grocery run every week and cooking our meals together was good practice as it gave us a realistic idea of our nutritional needs, preferences, expectations, and cooking and cleaning logistics. Doing this helped us step into marriage with a more organized mindset.
Learn to manage external pressures and expectations
Don’t let cultural or family pressures dictate your wedding or marriage decisions. You are creating a partnership for life with your future spouse to honor God and each other. Although organizing a wedding can be overwhelming, remember that marriage is more important than the wedding day—focus on preparing for saying yes to a lifelong covenant. It’s more than just an event.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up…” –Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
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