We live in the age of self-love. Everywhere we turn—music, movies, series, books—the same message echoes: “Put yourself first.” “Love yourself.” “Focus on you.”
Women, in particular, are constantly bombarded with this philosophy.
But what if I told you that this mindset is both right and wrong at the same time? What if I told you that selfishness and self-neglect are just two sides of the same coin?
Where’s the middle ground?
Here’s what I love about Scripture: it brings clarity to the confusion. It illuminates every aspect of our human experience and provides a blueprint for life, even when culture offers us mixed signals.
Why the order matters
Yes, the Bible teaches us to love ourselves. But it doesn’t teach us to put ourselves first. Instead, it reveals a divine order: God first, then myself, and then my neighbor.
When we love God first, we begin to see ourselves and others the way He sees us: with purpose, grace, and dignity. Putting God first gives us a clear understanding of our identity in Him. Having a clear understanding of our identity in Him then becomes a safeguard against selfishness and self-neglect, which in turn translates into healthier relationships with our neighbors.
Self-love with grace, not ego
Jesus didn’t say Instead of loving yourself, love your neighbor. He said, “As for yourself.” That implies a healthy, God-centered self-love. This isn’t narcissism or self-obsession—it’s a recognition that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and deserve a particular kind of treatment, starting with yourself—your internal dialogue matters.
You were created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27) and redeemed at a high price (1 Corinthians 6:20). The way you take care of your body, mind, and heart is a reflection of who or what occupies spot number one in your life. When it’s God, you will feel good about yourself; when it’s anything or anyone else, including yourself, not so much.
Loving your neighbor from a full cup
You can’t pour out what you haven’t received. When we are filled with God’s love and we honor our God-given identity, we can then extend that love to others with compassion, patience, and grace, without falling into selfishness or self-neglect. Loving your neighbor well is the fruit of a life rooted in God’s love and a heart that values itself rightly.
Here are some reflection questions for you today:
Do you seek your worth from God, people, and accomplishments?
Are you treating yourself with the same compassion you’d show a friend?
Is your love for others flowing from a whole relationship with God?
“‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’- Matthew 22: 37-39
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