It was a beautiful warm tropical starry night. Incongruent with such lovely picture of paradise, however, was the thunderstorm inside my soul.
For some reason I couldn’t pinpoint nor comprehend, my heart felt suffocated by an unmeasurable weight of sadness and anger. Feeling broken and frustrated, I decided to go for a walk.
As I walked, I conversed with God and told Him all about my feelings and how these feelings didn’t make sense.
I felt ashamed for feeling that way; especially after having experienced Divine Providence in my life time after time.As I walked on and poured out my turbulent sentiments unto God, all I received in return was silence. This in turn, frustrated me even more.
In my head I knew that God would never leave my side, and that even when everything else may fail, His love for us is the one thing that remains. But it didn’t feel that way.
Even though I was aware of the fact that the God of the universe loved me so much as to bleed out on the cross for me; and that had I been the only sinner, He would have still done it, I still couldn’t feel it.
I couldn’t feel God and it scared me.
In angst, throat choked up, and eyes welling up, I cried out to God for a sign that night; a tangible sign of His ever-loving presence in my life. But all I heard was silence.
Before realizing it, I found myself on my way downtown. I longed to find consolation on the warm, caressing breeze of night, but that didn’t happen. I hoped to find distraction on the mall’s window-dressers, but that didn’t happen either.
Tired from my wandering, still felling broken, and now beginning to grow sleepy, I decided to head back home. Before heading back home however, I needed to stop by the grocery store to get some potatoes. Because, I had been experiencing a flare up of gastritis for some months and had decided to give a natural remedy a try. I grabbed 7 small to medium potatoes, threw them in bag and headed to the check out line.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book “
As the cashier grabbed the bag of potatoes to weigh them, a horrifying realization came to my attention… I had forgotten my debit card at home! Filled with panic, I awkwardly blurted out:
“ Just wanna know how much they are!”
In the split of a second and before the price showed on up the screen; she nonchalantly said, “these are 50% off” and a 2.51 appeared in front of me.
Remembering there was some change in my pocket and frantically, reaching in, I got everything out and nervously counted it. Turns out, it was the exact amount I needed. No more, no less, can you believe it? Those potatoes didn’t even have a clearance sign on them! Had they weighed an ounce more, the price would have been different!
Stupefied, and no longer feeling broken, I walked out of the store potatoes in hand. There were still no words from God. Instead of hearing His voice, however, I saw a saw a playful wink and felt a gentle hug in the shape of a bag of discounted potatoes.
“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.
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