My husband, the wonderful man that he is, has been teaching me about love since before we ever started dating. Before meeting him, I carried so many distorted ideas about love and relationship dynamics that it’s almost embarrassing to admit. But God, in His kindness, knew I would need a gentle and patient teacher. And so, at just the right time, He brought my husband into my life.
He wasn’t the only one doing the teaching. In some areas, he was my teacher; in others, I was his. The beauty of our story is that we both desired growth, not only as individuals, but as a couple. That is the essence of godly love: it calls you beyond yourself and invites you to care deeply for someone else’s well-being.- 1 Corinthians 13:4–5
And here are some of the things my husband taught me about love.
Individuality and individualism are not the same
I had always struggled with individualistic tendencies. When my husband entered the picture, I had to confront a hard truth: individuality and individualism are two very different things. Maintaining your individuality, celebrating your personality, your calling, and your essence is healthy. It’s a green flag. But individualism, the mindset that prioritizes self above partnership, is a red one.
Love requires togetherness. It means making plans as a unit, including one another in daily life, considering the other person when making decisions, and willingly intertwining your lives with theirs.— Ecclesiastes 4:9–12
Marriage is not about losing yourself. It’s about choosing not to live only for yourself.
Communication isn’t always easy, but it’s always necessary
One of the most important lessons I learned was that honesty isn’t just telling the truth—it’s being transparent about your feelings.
I grew up in a family dynamic where emotions weren’t deeply discussed. Ignoring and withdrawing became my default response. But love doesn’t grow in silence. It grows in vulnerability. When my husband came along, I had to muster the courage and choose communication over shutdown, honesty over avoidance, connection over comfort.— Ephesians 4:25
Love requires having difficult, uncomfortable conversations.
If all you care about is winning, you’ll always lose
This one was a blow to my ego.
I had to learn that marriage is not “you versus me.” It is us versus the problem. If the goal is to win arguments, someone will always walk away wounded. But if the goal is peace, unity, and understanding, then both people walk away stronger. It’s true!
There is something holy about choosing peace over pride. About softening your tone instead of sharpening your argument. About remembering that preserving the heart of your home matters more than proving a point.— Proverbs 15:1
Love is not about crushing someone with irrefutable logic. It’s about learning how to love better each day. Even when it doesn’t make sense.
Love is a daily surrender
If marriage has taught me anything, it’s this: love is less about finding the perfect person and more about becoming a more Christlike one, together.
Love stretches you. It exposes all your toxic traits. It refines your pride, invites you to grow.
And when both people are surrendered to God, love becomes something sacred—two imperfect people choosing each other daily under the covering of a perfect Savior. – Colossians 3:14
Loving well is a lifelong lesson. Literally, the learning never stops! And I’m grateful that God gave me a husband who teaches me—every single day—what that looks like.
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