She always felt unloved. Growing up with a narcissistic father whose needs, ideas, and opinions came before everyone else’s, she learned from a very young age to keep to herself, stay out of the way, and not contradict him.
When her father decided to marry her to her sister’s fiancé, the idea of ever having a loving husband was no longer within her reach. She would live the rest of her days under her sister’s shadow. Chasing the love of a man who would never love her back and would always resent her for participating with her father in deceiving him.
Of all the women in the Bible, I’ve always thought the story of Leah to be one of the saddest.
No matter what she did, no matter how many children she gave birth to (something that during her time was mistakenly tied to a woman’s value) Jacob never loved her back.
Her fixation on “winning” Jacob’s love led her to make unwise decisions in her life. If only she knew that her value as a woman and human being was not in her relationship with Jacob but in God!
Whether in a relationship or not, I want to remind you that your value is not found in one. Your value does not depend on the attention someone gives you or their willingness to do nice things for you.
Are you feeling unloved? Maybe it’s a good time to pay attention to that attachment style.
Developing a healthy attachment style according to the Bible
Here are 8 tips on how to build a healthy attachment style according to the Bible:
- Find Security in God’s Love- (1 John 3:1) Recognize that your worth and security are rooted in God’s unconditional love. This foundation helps reduce the need for excessive reassurance or unhealthy dependency on others.
- Address Past Wounds Through Forgiveness-(Ephesians 4:32) Healing from attachment struggles often requires forgiveness—whether of yourself, others, or past experiences. Seek God’s help to forgive and move forward with a renewed heart.
- Cultivate Healthy Communication- (Ephesians 4:29) Practice open and honest communication in relationships. A Christ-centered attachment style thrives on building others up in love rather than fear or control.
- Pursue Trust Over Fear-(1 John 4:18) Let God’s perfect love help you overcome fear of abandonment or rejection. Trust that God will guide you to relationships that reflect His love.
- Establish Boundaries—(Matthew 5:37) Healthy attachments require clear boundaries. Following Jesus’ example of balancing love with truth ensures mutually respectful and honoring relationships.
- Model Relationships After Christ- (Philippians 2:3) Jesus demonstrated selflessness and humility in His relationships. Strive to approach others with the same mindset, showing grace and love even in challenging circumstances.
- Rely on God’s Strength- (Philippians 4:13) Changing attachment styles is hard work. Lean on God for the strength to grow and allow Him to help you reflect His love in every relationship.
- Surround Yourself with Godly Community- (Hebrews 10:24) Seek out healthy, Christ-centered friendships and relationships that encourage emotional growth and accountability.
Next time you are feeling unloved I want to invite you to anchor your emotional health and attachment style in God’s truth. You can develop healthy patterns that reflect His design for love and connection. Which one of these tips resonates with you the most?
*This devotional is based on Genesis 29-30
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